I started bicycling yesterday. Bicycling is like being on a hamster wheel, but with changing scenery. Or, You can join a gym and ride their stationary bicycles, but then the difference between that and a hamster wheel would be…?  Oh yes,of course, the smell of cedar chips is clearly missing at the gym.

Yesterday it seemed like such a great idea.  Today my body is angry, screaming “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” every time I try to extricate myself from my recliner.

So why do I, like so many others, do this to myself?  It’s about health, plain and simple. I am waging the classic war of the middle-aged, the “battle of the bulge”. We received notice that our health insurance premiums were taking a dramatic increase (what a shock – don’t even get me started), so I am fighting back.  The way I see it, theoretically, I win on two fronts.  I’ll feel better, at least in theory.  And I’ll need less health care, at least in theory, also.

God and Health Care

A deeper purpose in this is a growing conviction of my God-given responsibility to live a healthy life.  Over the years I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched people pray for their health or ask me to pray for their health, or go to a special service or crusade to get someone bigger and better to pray for their health.  These things are okay and can even be good, so long as the person is also taking responsibility for themselves.

I have a hard time praying for God to heal someone of back problems when they’re over-eating, overweight and refusing to exercise.  The Bible does say that we “reap what we sow”.  If I continually eat myself into oblivion and cling to my recliner in a death grip refusing to get up and get healthy, then I probably deserve the results I get.  We really do reap what we sow.  That’s not cruel, it’s a principle God set in motion.

“Kill-a-man”?

On my inaugural bike ride I thought of one of my favorite Tim Allen lines from Home Improvement.  Tim was at his fence talking with his neighbor, Wilson.  Wilson asked if Tim would ever consider climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro with him. Tim’s reply, “No, no, no. I avoid any exercise that starts with the words ‘Kill a man’”.

It probably won’t kill us, and they say that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  I want to encourage you to consider even your health habits as an act of serving God. So let’s get on those hamster wheels and “get up off of that thing”, and honor God in the process!

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” –Galatians 6:7-8

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What is normal?  I don’t think anyone knows for sure but everyone thinks they do.  One thing is certain; this guy ain’t!  Google defines normal as “conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; (and this part is really helpful) not abnormal”

wikiHow.com actually has steps on how to become a “totally normal person”!  What?!?  Okay, here they are, followed by my responses in parentheses.

#1.  Keep your house clean and tidy, but not perfect. If your house is a total mess, clean it up. (I fully agree!) Just be sure not to overdo it: you don’t need to make sure every single inch of your house is spotless all the time. A few messy areas like some dishes in the sink or a jacket tossed on the couch are fine now and then.  (How about a jacket tossed over those dirty dishes to hide them, hm?)

#2. Buy practical clothing. Clothes don’t have to be fancy and expensive, but they should be sensible. If you want to wear a casual outfit, just put on a simple red or white top that will match the rest of your outfit. (Let’s get one thing straight.  I’m a guy – I don’t wear outfits! But I do like red tops…)

#3. Try not to overreact to trivial occurences. Strive to express your feelings in a constructive way. If you get angry easily, or you have emotional stress, seeing a therapist generally helps. (Are you kidding me? With our government doing its thing, according to this, we will all need a therapist.)

#4. Take care of your body. (Stop right there.  That just isn’t normal, so don’t even go there. )

#5. Have a social life. (I totally concur; that’s why I’m sitting at home writing a blog to post on Facebook.)

Well, I hope you all feel encouraged toward normalcy.  I know I do.  I now feel the need to get better at it and learn to excel in the art of normalcy.  I’m just glad that God loves us unconditionally, no matter where we rank on the normal-meter.

If you struggle with “normal”, then check out Psalm 139:13-18…

(13)  You (God) made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
(14)  Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
(15)  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
(16)  You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
(17)  How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
(18)  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, You are still with me!

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I’ve been absurdly busy and unable to blog about fun stuff. Consequently, it’s been a while since I’ve done a weird word, so here it comes. Ready?

Abluvion – “substance or things washed away”  ex. – “My past blogs have become mere abluvion in the minds of my readers.” Or, “I left some abluvion in the shower this morning.” Sounds a lot like oblivion – “My past blogs have faded into oblivion in the minds of my readers.” Now let’s put them together and add a verb form of our word: “My past blogs have been abluviated into oblivion in the minds of my oblivious readers.”

Here’s a cool way to use it: “When I bring my sins to God for forgiveness, they become mere abluvion in my life!” So there you go… God offers to reduce our sins to abluvion when we come to Him and ask forgiveness.

If you want to catch up on some of my abluvion and rescue it from oblivion, just follow this link!

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As a pastor/church planter I was unsure whether I really had the time to blog.  I was skeptical as to whether or not it was important.  I decided to research the subject before I made my final choice.

The word “blog” is allegedly a shortened form of the longer word, “weblog”.   A blog is one’s personal logs which may take many forms, such as various articles, musings, diaries, diatribes, or just whatever-floats-your-boat.   However, having researched my subject widely I have decided that the whole “weblog” explanation is one giant hoax.  It’s a big fat lie.  I now believe that the word really comes from the following equation: 

blurt + log = blog (or, a blurt-log) And a blog is a very special kind of blurt, but wait; I’m getting ahead of myself.

For this article’s purposes, let’s just call a spade a spade.  It’s a blurt.  It may be a serious blurt.  It may be an educational blurt. It may even be a fun and enjoyable blurt.  Make no mistake – it’s still a mental, emotional, persuasional or critical blurt.

Being part of the cell phone generation and the Facebook/Twitter/Blogosphere community has helped me reach this enlightenment regarding our current obsession with such expressions.  I have broken it all down into three basic categories.

The Blurt

Everyone who has cyber-friends on facebook has experienced this.  You’re reading along and suddenly you read something that makes you say, “Oh my, where did that come from?”  Blurt.  It’s kind of like passing gas without saying, “Excuse me.”  For those who prefer cell phones to computers, the cellular equivalent is a needless phone call where you listen to the other party ramble for a while, but it’s a manageable time frame.

The Micro-Blurt

I first experienced this on Twitter.  It’s still blurting, just fewer words.  The cell phone equivalent to the micro-blurt is texting.

The Atomic Blurt

Ah, the mother of all blurts.  This is the blog.  This is taking all your blurts and micro-blurts and compiling them into a powerful nuclear blurt.  The cell equivalent is a phone call from someone with no life, or an emo, or a telemarketer.  The conversation seemingly lasts a  eternity and it may take hours or even days for you to recover from the shockwave.

Here’s another equation for you:

If Blurt = Facebook, then Micro-Blurt = Twitter, and Atomic Blurt = Blog

or,

If Blurt = phone call, then Micro-Blurt = Text, and Atomic Blurt = a long phone call you’ve been drawn into and you’re trapped and can’t escape and it’s getting really hard to breathe…

Conclusion

It must be obvious by now that the conclusion of my research was that I, too, began to feel the urge to blurt.  I mean, look–here I am dropping an atomic blurt on you.  If my friends and family and the culture I’m engaging wants to blurt and they respond well to it, then who am I to hold my blurts in and keep them to myself?

Invitation

Do you have any ideas for additional blurt equations?  Go ahead, blurt away in the “comments” section!

Elucubrate – “to produce by long and intensive effort” ex -”I sometimes elucubrate a facebook status I am pleased with.” (You do, too, don’t you?”)

A Weird Word Combination
Today as I was elucubrating a name for my new blog, I came across a blog name generator. What a trip! It gave me lots of, er, *interesting* potential names for the blog. Names such as:

• psychedelic shadow
• the clumsy poobah
• church blurt

.
See? Like I said…weird. Powerful weird. So here’s the link to one of the name generators for you. Have some fun!